Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
