the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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