Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
