walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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