Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
