I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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