True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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