Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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