Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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