did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
