Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize