Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
