It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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