I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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