She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
