Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
