im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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