I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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