Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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