I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
