Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
