I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
