just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She bit a glass in half.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize