If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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