i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
