here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
