Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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