remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
