this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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