The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
