This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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