I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
