Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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