I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
