She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
