apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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