I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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