that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Enjoy the penises
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize