this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
