He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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