Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
