I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
