3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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