dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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