i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
