I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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