all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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