nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
