is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize