did you get engaged???
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
