Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
