so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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