We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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