I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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