That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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