YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
