So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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