a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
