your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
