totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
