Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
