I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
