i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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