Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
