Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
